A key attribute of effective and successful college students is that they do not shy away from using the diverse range of resources available to them on their college campuses. Many students perceive asking for help as a sign of weakness.  We encourage you to reframe your mindset around embracing support as an act that reflects self-awareness, resilience, and a commitment to your goals. College is not meant to be a journey taken alone.

Interdependence may well be one of the most meaningful words in the English language². It’s meaningful because it speaks to the importance of connecting with others and maintaining viable relationships. Interdependence is valuable in college because it contributes to your success as a student. When you feel comfortable with interdependence, for example, you may be more likely to ask a friend to help you with a class project. You may also be more likely to offer that same help to someone else. You may be more inclined to visit a faculty member during office hours. You may be more likely to attend Learning Assistant sessions or for help with a difficult subject. Perhaps you would visit Career Services. Overall, when you have a sense of interdependence, you cultivate support networks for yourself, and you help others, too. Interdependence is a win-win relationship.

Why do people struggle to ask for help? Stanford researcher Xuan Zhao¹, states “There are several common reasons why people struggle to ask for help. Some people may fear that asking for help would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior – recent research from Stanford doctoral student Kayla Good finds that children as young as seven can hold this belief. Some people are concerned about being rejected, which can be embarrassing and painful. Others may be concerned about burdening and inconveniencing others – a topic I recently explored.  These concerns may feel more relevant in some contexts than others, but they are all very relatable and very human.”

Identifying which common challenges you face when asking for help is the first place to start. Next, it’s critical to identify some small steps you can take to increase your level of comfort in building relationships¹. When a challenge arises, first identify the specific problem–the more specific you are, the easier it is for someone to help you resolve. Think about how resolving that problem is meaningful to you–how would it move you closer to reaching your goals?  By identifying meaning, you can often find stronger motivation to take action. Think realistically about your request and possible solutions.  Is what you’re needing easily solved with a phone call or will it require ongoing meetings and support to navigate? Finally, set a deadline. By creating a timeline by which you hope to have your challenge resolved, you can create a sense of urgency for yourself.

Modern colleges and universities have created a vast network of resources designed to help you succeed both academically and personally. At Boise State, these include academic advising, academic and subject-specific tutoring and support, Career Services, University Health and Counseling Services, Student Involvement and Leadership, and Financial Wellness and support. While each resource supports one of the eight dimensions of wellness, together they form a comprehensive system that supports your growth and well-being. Using these resources can make the difference between struggling in isolation and thriving in community.

When you take advantage of campus resources, you are not only addressing immediate challenges but also building skills—such as communication, problem solving, and self-advocacy—that will serve you long after college.

Citations

1. De Witte, M. (2022, September 8). Why asking for help is hard, but people want to help more than we realize. News.stanford.edu. https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2022/09/asking-help-hard-people-want-help-realize
2. Dillon, Dave. Blueprint for Success in College and Career. OER Commons. https://press.rebus.community/blueprint2/. CC BY 4.0.