4.5: Improving Listening Competence

Now it’s time to turn our attention to the practical: becoming a better listener.

Ways to Improve Your Listening

Listening is, first and foremost, a skill that can be learned and refined. Here are five suggestions for improving your listening.

Be Open to New Ideas

We must be open to new ideas in college, at work, and in our personal lives. We all have a tendency to filter out information we disagree with and to filter in the information that supports what we already believe, but this can be a mistake. Nicolaus Copernicus was a sixteenth-century astronomer who dared to publish a treatise explaining that the earth revolves around the sun, violating Catholic doctrine. Copernicus’s findings were labeled heretical, and his treatise was banned because a group of people were not open to new ideas at the time. In May 2010, almost five hundred years after his death, the Roman Catholic Church admitted its error and reburied his remains with the full rites of Catholic burial (Owen, 2010).

While the Copernicus case is a fairly dramatic reversal, listeners should always be open to new ideas. You do not have to agree with every idea that you are faced with in life, but you should at least listen to and consider the message before you evaluate it.

Use Your Common Sense

Your powers of reasoning and common sense can act as a warning system. If common sense tells you a message is inconsistent with established facts, an argument is illogical, or the language is exaggerated, you may very well be right.  You should investigate before accepting or rejecting the message. Often, you will not be able to take this step during the presentation of the message; it may take longer to collect enough knowledge to make that decision for yourself.

However, when you are a public speaker, you should not give a speech based only on your common sense. You must also be able to back up your statements with evidence from reputable sources. That’s why it’s necessary for public speakers to cite sources and refer to the works of scholars whose research is credible.

Relate New Information and Ideas to Old Ones

As both a speaker and a listener, one of the most important things you can do to understand a message is to relate new ideas to previously held ideas. If you can make effective comparisons while you are listening, it can reinforce and deepen your understanding. When you are the communicator or speaker, if you can provide those comparisons for your listeners, you make it easier for them to understand and consider your ideas.

Take Notes

Of course, we don’t need to take notes during every conversation. However, careful, selective note-taking is important when we desire an accurate record or need to recall important details.  It’s nearly impossible to write down everything a speaker says; therefore, focus on the main ideas. Note-taking is a skill that improves with practice. To improve both your listening and note-taking, practice identifying the speaker’s central issues and main ideas. Do not become so involved in note-taking that you fail to observe the speaker’s nonverbal communication or to provide supportive feedback. It is important to strike a balance between listening and writing things down.

Listen Ethically

Ethical listening involves showing respect and consideration for the speaker. We should extend to speakers the same courtesy we want to receive when it’s our turn to speak. Face the speaker and make eye contact instead of checking your phone or looking out the window.  Avoid facial expressions or behavior that belittles the speaker or the message, and guard against making snap judgments. Communication professors Stephanie Coopman and James Lull (2008) emphasize creating a climate of caring and mutual understanding, observing that “respecting others’ perspectives is one hallmark of the effective listener.” In The Speaker’s Handbook, Sprague, Stuart, and Bodary (2010) urge us to treat the speaker with respect even when we disagree, don’t understand, or find the speech boring.

Doug Lippman, (1998) a storytelling coach, wrote powerfully and sensitively about listening in his book:

Like so many of us, I used to take listening for granted, glossing over this step as I rushed into the more active, visible ways of being helpful. Now, I am convinced that listening is the single most important element of any helping relationship.

Listening has great power. It draws thoughts and feelings out of people as nothing else can. When someone listens to you well, you become aware of feelings you may not have realized that you felt. You have ideas you may have never thought before. You become more eloquent, more insightful….

As a helpful listener, I do not interrupt you. I do not give advice. I do not do something else while listening to you. I do not convey distraction through nervous mannerisms. I do not finish your sentences for you. In spite of all my attempts to understand you, I do not assume I know what you mean.

I do not convey disapproval, impatience, or condescension. If I am confused, I show a desire for clarification, not dislike for your obtuseness. I do not act vindicated when you misspeak or correct yourself.

I do not sit impassively, withholding participation.

Instead, I project affection, approval, interest, and enthusiasm. I am your partner in communication. I am eager for your imminent success, fascinated by your struggles, forgiving of your mistakes, always expecting the best. I am your delighted listener.

Are You Listening? A Checklist for Listeners

Below is a listening checklist found on the International Listening Association website.

1. Have you given the speaker 100% of your attention?
2. Are you listening to understand, rather than listening to respond?
3. Have you opened your mind to receive what is being said?
4. Have you rejected the temptation to prepare your response while the other person is speaking?
5. Are you open to changing your mind?
6. Are you aware of what is not being said as well as what is being said?
7. Are you taking account of the degree of emotion attached to the words?
8. Are you aware of differences or similarities (culture, age, gender) between you and the speaker which may influence how the speaker communicates and how you listen?
9. Are you giving signals to the speaker that you are listening?
10. Are you valuing the speaker and the experience they have gathered in their life so far?

References

Coopman, S. J., & Lull, J. (2008) Public speaking: The evolving art (p. 60). Cengage Learning.

Lippman, D. (1998). The storytelling coach: How to listen, praise, and bring out people’s best. August House.

Owen, R. (2010, May). Catholic church reburies ‘heretic’ Nicolaus Copernicus with honour. Times Online.

Sprague, J., Stuart, D., & Bodary, D. (2010). The speaker’s handbook (9th ed.). Wadsworth Cengage.