When to NOT Assert


“There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse.” Daniel Golman

Stop – This is not the time to assert

There is a wonderful acronym to remember when you are considering being assertive.  HALT.  Ask yourself, are you?





If you answer yes to any of those questions, then HALT.  Satisfy your needs, whether that is eating a snack, taking a deep breath, connecting with someones, or taking a nap.  Then reevaluate your need to assert a boundary.  If the need is still there, then proceed with delivering your assertive message.

Another time to NOT assert, is through a text message. An article from Psychology Today talks about Things to not send in a text. Assertive messages are important.  Sending them verbally, and ideally in person (on screen or in the same space) impacts our ability to deliver and see nonverbal messages.  In the next section we will explore nonverbal communication and conflict.

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