Chapter 5 – Why are they (am I) so defensive? Getting your brain under control


Learning Objectives

Understand the basic neuroscience components of conflict

Develop strategies for managing your own defensive responses

Develop strategies for managing the defensive responses of other people


“Defensiveness is usually someone silently screaming that they need you to value and respect them in disguise. When you look for deeper meanings behind someone’s pain you can then begin to heal not only yourself, but others.” Shannon Alders

Have you ever had the experience, where after you’ve been in a conflict, you can’t remember what you said OR you can’t figure out why you said what you said? You are not alone. This occurs when we are experiencing a defensive response.  The neuroscience of conflict and defensive responses is fascinating!  For the purposes of this book we will only touch the surface of this concept, focusing our efforts on figuring our how to help everyone’s brain stay engaged (or get them reengaged) during a conflict.


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Making Conflict Suck Less: The Basics Copyright © 2020 by Ashley Orme Nichols is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.

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